He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
