So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
