whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
