My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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