i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize