I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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