Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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