i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
