dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
