They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
