i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
