I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
