Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
