Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
