she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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