The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
