is your mom at the bar?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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