I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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