Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
