My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
