She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
