i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
