I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
