Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
