She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
