you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
