don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
