like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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