before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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