I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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