the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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