I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
