I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
