this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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