On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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