I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
