I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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