No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
