Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize