i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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