you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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