Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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