She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
