she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
