What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
