Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
