and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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