my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's always time for handjobs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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