problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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