so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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