I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
