In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
