My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
