No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My liver just broke up with me...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
