Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
