I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize