His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
