I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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