is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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