Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
