thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
