at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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