I think I won the penis lottery.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
