His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
