It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
