he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
