so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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