haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
