You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
