Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
