I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
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